Am I Really a Cynical Asshat? Or Was That Just the Role I Wrote for Myself?

Lately, I find myself questioning the identity I’ve built for myself over the years. The more I analyze the layers -- the masks, the coping mechanisms, the daily performances -- the less I feel like I understand.

For now, let’s just say my name is Jordan Krumbine, and I do *creative*.

The Role I Played, and How it Stuck

Back in my earlier YouTube days, I was deeply immersed in a collaborative creative community. I wrote scripts that internet friends performed, and because compelling stories need conflict, I always needed an antagonist. Instead of assigning that role to someone else -- especially when I was trying to foster a supportive, creative environment -- I took it on myself.

I became the cynical asshat. The antagonist.

And it kinda stuck.

Not just in those early YouTube projects, but beyond. The persona bled into real life. What started as a creative decision -- this necessary evil to keep stories engaging -- became a defining characteristic of how people perceived me. It was a mask, sure, but like all masks worn too long, it started shaping the face beneath it.

The Truth Behind the Mask

Was there a kernel of truth to my cynical persona? Absolutely. At my core, I have little patience for superficiality and even less tolerance for illogical nonsense. If something doesn’t make sense, it frustrates me to no end.

But was I really this cynical, antagonistic figure? Or did I just write myself into that role and get trapped inside the narrative?

Rewriting the Script

Here’s the thing about scripted roles: they can be rewritten.

If I’ve spent years embodying a character that no longer serves me, then maybe it’s time to craft a new one. Not a false persona, but an intentional evolution.

Maybe I don’t have to be the antagonist in my own story.

Maybe it’s time to start a new chapter.