COVID-cautious in Florida: Gordon Wegner Wants an Ice Cream | a novella & audiobook by Jordan Krumbine
I started writing/developing this story in January of 2023. I finished writing in January 2024 and then finished recording and editing the audiobook on May 22.
Unfortunately, with respect to the COVID-19 pandemic (that looms darkly over this happy-tragic piece of fiction) … not a whole lot has changed in that year-and-a-half-ish.
Wait, no, scratch that. In the United States, the “lows” (our lowest peak of infection between waves) continued to get higher (meaning: every time it’s “not so bad,” it’s actually progressively worse than the last time it “wasn’t so bad”). More and more people are enduring multiple infections and are now reaching the “Find Out” phase of their Fuck Around lifestyle. Test accuracy has fallen to below 50%, vaccine efficacy has decreased, and COVID-19 continues to evolve, mutate, and give absolutely no shits about how “over the pandemic” everyone seems to be.
Oh, yeah, and Bird Flu (H5N1) is about to jump-scare the shit out of the world at large.
So when I say “not a whole lot has changed,” I guess I mean: “The world is on fire, and humanity’s days are numbered.”
But what else is new?
I should tell you that I am unapologetically and aggressively progressive. For the past four years, I have lived a COVID-cautious life and openly acknowledge the privilege of being able to live that life in the first place. While some may view my precautions as extreme and may accuse me of “not living,” I eagerly respond with this lovely mic drop I shamelessly stole from Reddit:
Being sick all the time ain’t living, either.
Additionally, being COVID-cautious is not extreme, at least not for me. Working remote, staying home, having groceries delivered, prioritizing walks and backyard sits with my dog — these are all things that perfectly suit my gloriously fucked up brain.
I’ve never liked being around people.
I hate crowds.
Fuck your gatherings and events.
I can’t imagine a worse experience than a concert. Maybe walking the streets of NYC, but even there, at least noise-canceling headphones are semi-effective.
But that’s my point: I’ve been tenaciously Team Novid because, yes, public health is a thing and COVID kills, but also, I am privileged — both fiscally and mentally.
Just the same, I understand that not everyone can protect themselves, their families, and their neighbors. With the way our world has turned — to borrow an idea from a certain pothead anarchist — being COVID-cautious is a Sisyphean task, likely ending in tragedy.
Which is a roundabout way of saying: that’s why I wrote “Gordon Wegner Wants and Ice Cream.”
That’s why I made this story available for free on Amazon Kindle, Apple Books, and YouTube.
It’s a love letter.
A thank you note.
Or … maybe just words of encouragement.
The COVID-19 pandemic persists. Long COVID continues to take its toll. Disability, trauma, and death run rampant. And whether or not it’s touched you personally does not diminish this ongoing tragedy.
A lot of research went into this book, and I want to thank the communities in the Reddit forums of r/ZeroCovidCommunity, r/covidlonghaulers, and r/COVID19positive. My goal was to tell a story authentic to the experiences of the millions and millions of people who were sidelined, dismissed, ignored, and forgotten by a government and a society that cares only about incremental profit growth for shareholders.
This story is dedicated to my fellow maskers, vaxxers, anti-normal crusaders, and long-haulers. In short, this story is for Team Novid (including honorary members who were late to the group or who truly did everything to avoid COVID but still succumbed): I see you. I stand with you.
Gordon Wegner Wants an Ice Cream
Gordon Wegner leads a quiet, COVID-cautious life, safely bubbled in his Central Florida home with his wife, Jasmine, and their dog, Mr. Fantastic. Despite his lactose intolerance and the inherent risk of the virus-friendly Florida, Gordon is about to be in desperate need of some ice cream. Preferably mint chocolate chip. The green kind, obviously. Because when life throws everything it’s got at you, sometimes all you can do is eat some ice cream.
“Gordon Wegner Wants an Ice Cream” is a day-in-the-life story about surviving the pandemic, coping with anxieties, living with the trauma of Long COVID, and finding happy little distractions.
Happy little distractions like ice cream.
Grab a spoon (and some dairy pills), and dig in.
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