A Brief History of the Future Fall of Florida [an audiobook short]
I fucking hate Florida.
It’s hot.
It’s swampy (because: humidity).
It’s an alt-right haven for nutjobs, crazies, and autocrats.
Democrats have given up on the state, and even those who stand against the previously mentioned autocrats are probably (likely) grifters themselves.
Florida sucks.
And as the pandemic rages on -- and Florida cements itself as ground zero for COVID denialism and anti-vax sentiment (not to mention Disney and DeSantis pissing all over each other to see who has the bigger dick) ... it’s probably safe to say that Florida is the worst it’s ever been.
But it won’t last forever. Because tomorrow ... it will definitely get even worse.
A few years ago, I wrote an action-horror-thriller screenplay for an indie producer to film in the Philippines. The pandemic took a bite out of the production plans, and like all my other feature screenplays, this one sits on a shelf, collecting dust.
I always planned to adapt it into a novel ... after all, the bones of the story were strong, and there was more than enough meat on those bones for an adaptation. The only thing I needed was a premise that meant something to me. See, the original story takes place in present-day Manila and Legaspi, with a volcano being a critical element of the story’s final act. A supernatural/horror monster element lives right alongside the corrupted region’s brothels, sex trafficking, and other interwoven criminal enterprises.
My initial idea was to fold this story into the world of Abe Owens and the City of Saint Charles. (For example: “Monster, Dick!” occurs in the same world but in a sister city. “#TextMe😘” and “Apartment 616” take place in the City of Saint Charles and involve Abe’s antagonist, Peter. “#TextMe😘” also lays out the backstory for the post-credit Abe Owens character of Jeremy, the detective transferring to the SCPD.) After all, in a gritty world involving shitty superpowers, demonic possessions, and Hyde-like transformations into fucking strung-out Sasquatches, a baby-eating, body-splitting winged manananggal seemed like a perfect fit.
By folding the story into Abe’s world, I planned to rewrite certain characters and tweak continuity so it fits alongside my other planned stories. This was fine ... until it wasn’t.
And when it wasn’t was when I had zero inspiration to do any of the real work.
Which was roughly when a nugget of an idea for a “Florida Girls” follow-up -- Florida lovebugs turning into toxic swarms that led to the dystopia that Bernie and the Beast were living through -- started making a sweet, front-butt kind of love to my shelved screenplay.
Like all great ideas, “Sunshine & Cyanide” bloomed in my head and poured out my fingertips. Forget the Philippines. Forget the City of Saint Charles.
Welcome to the United Republic of Florida.
The video above is the prologue to this adaptation, recreating the corrupt, toxic environment originally scripted, but reshaping it for my own backyard.
That was a premise that spoke to me.
That was a compelling angle.
And now ... now all I have to do is write the damn book.
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